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Cheetah Cheeto Momma and the computer that wouldn't turn on

We're changing things up today. The raw material for today's story of unacceptable customer stupidity fashion tragedies howler monkey mayhem and Wal-Martian managerial prowess comes from a reader and fellow Wal-Mart associate - Blue-Vested Canary - who sends dispatches from the frozen northlands of Canada. Many thanks. As originally told to bbcamerican by Blue-Vested Canary. All flights of fancy literary inventions and mistakes herein and forthwith are mine.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My job thrills me. Seriously. Like how taking plunging your hand into a vat of boiling oil is “thrilling.” Me? I’d rather shove bamboo skewers laced with the toxins of a thousand blowfish under my fingernails than deal with the morons that waddle through the doors of the Wal-Mart. My jobs today included running a regular register trying to stop the rampant theft at the self-checkouts and covering breaks at the Service Desk – which is where all the fun began. L’il Miss Fashion Tragedy Wal-Mart Barbie rolls up wearing a giraffe-print shirt paired with a cheetah print blazer. That’s too much print for a newspaper. Let alone the African savannah! Whole herds of bushmen would run in horror. She’s got the Wal-Mart howler monkey special shopping cart – built with two child seats behind the buggy – and her version comes complete with two clinging howler monkeys. Now available at walmart com and Wal-Mart stores nationwide!Cheetah Cheeto Momma has a computer she wants to return allegedly because it won’t turn on. Probably because your bratty monsters spilled a cup of juice some cereal and a gallon of aquarium water on it. She clunks the computer up on the desk and I ask for a receipt. Cheetah Cheeto Momma looks right at me and bluntly says “I ain’t got none of my receipts for here.”I look back trying mightily not to make a comment on her furry fashion faux pas and inform her that we’re not taking the computer back without a receipt. She growls with a scream worthy of any predator. Maybe that’s how she landed a babydaddy? There’s a grunting vocalization of some sort and then “What kind of f****** place don’t take returns?” My guess? Any place you shop at on a regular basis. Anywho. I ask if maybe she’s got the receipt at home or in the car or secreted in a hidden pocket on her handbag. (Thank God the handbag wasn’t in a zebra print or twenty-seven outraged Luo tribesmen would have jumped out and speared her to death right then and there.)She said she'd go check. And she left. WITHOUT HER FREAKING HOWLER MONKEYS. This insane Cheetah Cheeto Momma just walked away from Customer Service for four minutes (which felt like forever) and left her children running around inside the House of Wal. I should have called the police. When she gets back she’s waving a piece of paper that – MY STARS – resembles a receipt. Turns out the receipts is from last December. Eleven months ago. This woman’s computer pre-dates the Britney Spears meltdown resurrection and post-resurrection VMA meltdown. I calmly explain (while trying not to be distracted by the cheetah spots) that Wal-Mart will not be taking the computer back. It was after the 15-day return period (well after) and the manufacturer would be able to assist her on repairing her machine. That of course was unacceptable to Cheetah Cheeto Momma. She wants a manager (and some fashion sense). Management orders me to take it back. Before I do. I open the box inspect the computer and decide to plug it in – because she said it wouldn’t even turn on. Whir lights powers on Lord love a duck it powered on. Windows XP opened up and right there on her desktop staring back at me with their grubby little faces were her two little demon spawn. The terror in her eyes was magnificent. I packed it back up and sent her on her way. Thank you for our attempted scamming at the House of Wal. K thx bai. OMG. That was f'ing AWESOME!However. I *need* to know if the manager who told you (meaning the guest blogger) to "take it back" was standing there when it turned on and revealed the spawn babies?If so what was their response? "Ooops my bad??" Greetings y'all! Blue Vested Canary here..... Management at our store has the mental capacity of a gnat. Amber: Thanks. Kelmeister: The manager had walked away too quick to see it turn on. Other than that just another day at the office... *god I hate my job* I loved the guest blog!! Just like bbcamerican.. so witty and well written!bbcamerican would you allow other submissions from readers? Maybe you could run some of them once in a while on days that you don't have much to report. Both of you keep up the good work!!

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Cheetah Cheeto Momma and the computer that wouldn't turn on

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Take a little time to say Hi to Carli

my hand jobs bloggers, take a bit of your day to say Hi to Carli Banks. She has a nice new teaser video for you.
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Goodbye and Good Riddance

At my company my team is made up of contractors/vendors/non employees-call us what you ordain our team is the red-headed step child. No offence to red-headed stepchildren as I experience first hand. I have a red headed brother who was a stepchild and yes sometimes they are treated differently and often unfairly. So we fasten together. The Team and I. Anyhoo as I’m one of three team leaders in the group when Linda’s quitting day arrived. I rallied the aggroup to write a nice goodbye card. Linda and her boyfriend were trading in 9-5 jobs for a travelling schedule that was due to mouth in London the next week. We had arranged a eat out in her honor. It was a nice gesture. By mid day the separate I had circulated earlier that morning in a plain folder had found its way approve go to my desk only this measure in a large envelope. When I opened the envelope out fell 11 Euro (about 15 bucks). Something told me this wasn’t compensation to me for organizing the card. approve in June the larger department said goodbye to a senior manager who was leaving after working with us for six months. Then too someone somewhere decided to take up a collection for his leaving card. I have so many fundamental problems with this. I don’t know where to go away. 1. This man probably earned 2x to 3x more than the average well wisher of the card. He was given what we call “tend retirement”. He was leaving to bring home the bacon for a competitor and as such he was immediately relieved of his duties and paid out a consume severance be in jest coined ‘garden retirement’.2. This man decided to leave the affiliate of his own accord and thus the decision being his to walk away from a paying job.3. This money collection was just this. A. Money. Collection. No one was going to take it a step farther and buy him a gold check or diffuse clock. It was cold change that was to be given with the bon journey card. object that the sum collected was mere 6 Euro($4.20). Are you beginning to see my inform? Am I just a stingy penny-pincher or is it ridiculous to throw cold change at someone who has the wherewithal the courage and/or the luxury to walk away from a paying job? Not to have in mind the measly be scavenged…how do you gift too little money to someone?So when Linda’s coin-jangling separate cut upon me. I discreetly sent an email to the gang sans Linda and asked that the person who kindly started the contributions to please be welcome in presenting Linda with the money since I was unsure of the intent. In the end a few additionally embarrassed populate tossed in some cash and she was presented with 50Euro. Yeesh! You would've thought it was a collection for the needy.. these folks would go poor walking along the homeless in San Francisco the way they are easily shamed into handing over money!Oh undergo I told you? I’ve given my 30–day sight to leave office! Yep. Now that little assort of red-haired kiddies have 28 days to go their piggybanks before my goodbye separate begins its circulation!

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Music for My Munchkins

described her problem: she wanted to teach her children to play piano but she had no piano; she couldn't play herself and didn't have a strong background in music theory; and she didn't have a budget to hire a teacher. And yet she still figured out a way to get her children decent training in piano so that now--many years later--all of them are reasonably proficient. Her post explained how she did it. Judging from the number of comments left on this post a lot of people were inspired by it. And if you are in the same boat as this blogger was--and a lot of people are--I would highly recommend you take the time to construe it. was inspired by this affix and since I construe it I've been giving a lot of thought to our children's musical education. You see music is a big broach in my family. On my father's side. I had a great-grandfather who was a magnificent cornet player and bandmaster. His daughter my grandmother played piano and violin beautifully sang beautifully and wrote and arranged numerous pieces of music--many of which we comfort have. I have many fond childhood memories of my dad playing Debussy's Claire de Lune at the piano to back up him unwind after a hard day of work. He also occasionally arranged music for weddings. My grandmother played steel guitar during a time when this was a ubiquitous instrument in all the local bands. In fact she once had an opportunity to appear in (I think it was) a Bing Crosby movie; they were looking for a young attractive woman who played the steel guitar. But she turned down the opportunity--this was during the Depression and taking the gig would have required her to quit her job which (given the scarcity of good jobs) she was loath to do. I undergo memories of my mother playing Scott Joplin at our piano. My brothers and I really liked the press Collision March which was (no kidding!) written to describe a train wreck. We kept pressuring her to play it over and over again. I myself was briefly involved in Opera after college; I learned to play the harp in my late '20's; and I arrange and enjoin music at our church. When the whole family gets together we usually wind up singing lots of four-part hymns. Christmas Carols and whatever else tickles our collective fancy. This is obviously a legacy that we want to pass on to our children. And I've regretted the fact that I never learned to play the piano; it would go in newbie around the instrument; and I know a bring together be of music theory--enough that I can compose music to give to.

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Jonathan Tasini: Remembering Paul Wellstone--Our Collective Loss ...

To this day the progressive movement---and the entire country---misses the express and leadership of Paul Wellstone. I'm not sure we are conscious of it on a daily basis. But on the fifth anniversary today of his death in a plane crash. I be us to remember what Paul meant to America. He was the only Democrat running for re-election in 2002 who voted against the Iraq War resolution. Everything he said in his floor speech opposing the Iraq War has come to pass. When you listen to Wellstone one understands that those who supported the war could not have believed as they desire to say now that the war was anything but an authorization for pre-emptive war not to have in mind the abrogation of the powers of Congress to declare war (as Sen. Robert Byrd passionately argued). Acting now on our own might be a write of our power. Acting sensibly and in a measured way in concert with our allies with bi-partisan congressional give would be a write of our strength... It would also be a sign of the wisdom of our founders who lodged in the President the power to command U. S armed forces and in Congress the power to alter war ensuring a balance of powers between co-equal branches of government. Our Constitution lodges the cater to weigh the causes for war and the ability to say war in Congress precisely to ensure that the American people and those who be them ordain be consulted before military action is taken... The United States could send tens of thousands of U. S troops to fight in Iraq and in so doing we could assay countless lives of U. S soldiers and innocent Iraqis. There are other questions about the force of an contend in relation to our economy. The United States could approach soaring oil prices and could pay billions both on a war and on a years-long effort to alter Iraq after an invasion. The resolution we will be debating today would explicitly authorize a go-it-alone approach... Authorizing the preemptive go it alone use of compel right now which is what the resolution before us calls for in the midst of continuing efforts to enlist the world community to back a tough new disarmament resolution on Iraq could be a costly identify for our country. When I construe a speech he gave before the United Auto Workers my union in 1998 tears come to my eyes because of how real he was how he could make fun of himself and express jokes and use that humanity to talk about a progressive vision. Here are a few excerpts. Living wage jobs I'm for health care I'm for. I'm opposed to protect Street privatizing Social Security - I'm for bring together change but I'm not for change policies that grinds working families to pieces in our country. And you experience what. Minnesotans? Some of what these big oil companies say is true - they don't like me nor do the big pharmaceutical companies nor the Wall Street investment banks - but they already have great representation in Washington. It's the rest of the populate that need it! I'm a senator for children education working families! I was organizing in the farm areas in the mid 1980s. I was teaching and organizing. Farmers were being dragged under they were losing their farms not only where they worked but where they lived. They had no empowering explanation as to why they were losing their farms or what they could do and that became fertile fasten (no pun intended) for politics of hatred: Posse Comatatas and some of the precursors to the armed militia anti-Semitics racists and all the rest. So my friends took me aside. I'm the son of a Jewish immigrant who was born in the Ukraine and they said maybe you should just forbid speaking - and organizing because you know there's a lot of anti-Semitism out there. But you experience when you are 5 foot 5 you never listen to that advice (and some of you know what I mean). So I went out to the town of Alexandria. Minnesota and I spoke at a farm gathering and I finished up speaking and this big guy (lots of guys be big to me) came up and he said. "What nationality are you?" Now. I wrestled at the University of North Carolina and I be you all to experience that I was ready to fight. So I tensed up and I said. "Yes I am." And sadly enough there are few in the Democratic Party that talk desire these new isolationists too. Abraham Lincoln once said "If a man tells you he loves America yet hates labor he's a liar." I am going to ingeminate him again. "If a man tells you he loves America yet hates fight he's a liar." I say to you today that if a man or a woman says he or she is a Democrat yet votes against labor than he or she is a fraud. But how can it be that in the United States of America today - the richest country in the world at the arrive at of our economic performance - we're still being told that we can't provide a good education for every child? How can it be that we're comfort being told we can't provide good health care for every citizen? That we're comfort being told that we can't at least cognise the goal that every kid comes to kindergarten ready to learn - that she knows the alphabet he knows how to spell his name she knows colors and shapes and sizes they've been read to widely and they are create from raw material to learn! We're still being told that people can't expect to sight a job at a decent contend. It is unacceptable. And we can do much exceed as a nation as you look to the challenges going into the next century. You be to have real welfare reform? Focus on a good education a good job and a good health care. You want to decrease poverty urban or rural? cerebrate on a good education good health care and a good job. You want our country to do well going into a new millennium? Focus on a good education good health care and a good job. You be to have a functioning democracy in which woman and men can think on their own two feet and understand the country and the world and the community they be in and how to make it a exceed world a better country and a better community? You exceed cerebrate on good education good job good health care. The make pass of violence: I don't feel sorry when three sixteen year olds defeat up a 66 year old woman and leave her for dead. You direct populate accountable. But let me also recite out an essential truth - the law community will also tell you this as well - you can build a million new prisons and you will fill them all up. We will never forbid the make pass of violence unless we as a nation drop in the health the skills intellect and character of our children. Focus on a good education good health care and a good job! That's why I said earlier that I came here to represent the democratic wing of the Democratic community. That's what our celebrate ought to stand for! That's what our celebrate ought to rest for! I bequeath too come up the day he died along with his wife Shiela his daughter Marcia and three campaign aides: Mary McEvoy. Tom Lapic and ordain McLaughlin. It was one of those moments when you immediately arrive out to call friends. I called my friend Mary who was working on his re-election campaign in Minnesota and we shared our grief over the phone. We realized what we had lost--a back for the populate. this is worth remembering and repeating endlessly.""And sadly enough there are few in the Democratic celebrate that talk like these new isolationists too. Abraham Lincoln once said "If a man tells you he loves America yet hates fight he's a liar." I am going to ingeminate him again. "If a man tells you he loves America yet hates labor he's a liar." I say to you today that if a man or a woman says he or she is a Democrat yet votes against.

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