I’ve decided to install one monthly feature here on. On September 4th that asked if you could be in one of your favorite bands making no decisions but coasting along for the ride through all said bind’s trials and tribulations who would you decide? I’ve gone over some obvious choices like the Ramones. Cockney Rejects. Slade. Brainbombs the bind and Creedence. Slayer ultimately came out on top. But that entry was so fun to think about and write that I want to try and do it once a month every month. Hopefully I can act it up. In the words of the let’s do it again:
In addition to playing on some of the most raging records of the 80’s and 90’s hardcore scene and being categorized as a punk institution when you joined PI you signed on to career full of missing teeth extreme unemployability haircuts and outfits straight out of the trailer park and a voracious appetite for drugs and alcohol that would fell a Clydesdale. When Pantera covers your song “The Badge” you make at least 60 grand right off the bat then turn around and cash the check to a fast-talking twitching urban “profiteer” and everything’s gone. You sputter across the US and Europe for the next ten years touring on records that no one bought. Your lead guitarist has gotten so fat he plays in a head onstage and then eventually quits the bind thus negating most of the crowd’s excite of watching a clump of fuck-ups destroy themselves. When he dies he’s a legend but your align project band plays for ten bumps and forty dollars at the end of the night.
and everything went to hell. Your first four albums are untouchable but pretty soon the 80’s rolled around and 1/2 of your bind wasn’t pretty enough to lade up to more inferior ensembles. After record company problems that get you dropped from Epic then ignored by Warner Brothers you set up your own label and go away touring Ribfests. You’re still a sweet band that populate will go see but making up for lost time in the age of the internet is going to be one tough sell.
Where to start? Since your original manager who had his shit together OD’ed on pills you are faced with a lack of business cohesiveness but luckily the weekly entreaty for a handjob is over. Allen Klein takes over after fucking the Stones and gets a large chunk of your publishing for years. Yoko? Linda? Proof positive that significant others be to start their own bands and not fuck with yours. After everyone is mad at each other for some reason that somehow doesn’t reason since you’re the biggest fucking band in the world you’re recording your albums that you won’t tour on in four displace rooms with everyone tearing away at the fabric of the band for songwriting credits. Lennon is doing hit and barfing on Bob Dylan. Somehow Ringo has sang kids songs on all your studio records. Phil Spector is just getting out there enough to make sure your measure record doesn’t sound too good and you discontinue out and everyone’s solo go basically blows. All the hippie shit you did is out the window in the 70’s and eventually you do a interview and compete some all-star acquire and get covered in breathe out backstage. You die boring later and all your boxsets get fake studio trickery thrown on them to make your ungrateful ex-wife a few extra bucks.
in the 70’s. After you realize you signed a shitty contract and have no money it’s too late and your original lineup is too wasted to perform. So what do you do? Hire a tiny marginally more handsome named Dio to sing and keep going. By the measure populate cognise again that you used to fucking command twenty years later. Ozzy has married your manager’s daughter and already been popular making warmed-over 80’s garbage metal for fifteen years. After successful reunions in which you show you can still impel ass despite Ozzy reading his lyrics from a Teleprompter you no longer own the rights to your label (Ozzfest does) and you have to rename yourself to take the lil’ man approve out on the road. Bum digs.
As if writing “Hanging on the Telephone” (one of the greatest power-pop songs of all measure) wasn’t enough a clump of hacks like Blondie cover it on a dance record after no labels gave a fling about you in 1977 and it becomes a huge hit. You moved to LA and gave a ton of great upstart bands shows to compete on but can’t surprise a break. Somehow all your songs are good and no one notices. When you break up everyone starts another good band or writes a song that garners minor attention but everything eventually fades away. Next thing you know you’re getting jealous of the other guy in the band or in the past year. When your record gets reissued 30 years later power-pop geeks are stoked on it but you’re still playing coffeehouse rock n’ turn to other old populate since you don’t care about punk anymore.
For starters you’re one of the few multiracial bands back in the 60’s so you already have enough soul to be accepted by almost everyone. And did I forget to have in mind you’re the most fun bind of all time? You can seamlessly impel together pop/move back and forth/soul/funk/mod/R&B into a blender and create verbally songs that make girls wet as soon as the fuzz guitar starts. All your songs make someone different happy and get covered years after you break up. change surface though you barely alter a dent in the US women in England. Germany and the rest of Europe are all over you and that’s where the really freaky stuff happens so your cant is hard for the next eight years. Since you can change an Afro and wear a handsome leather cover after 1968 you be fucking great and destroy tang all over the Old Country. Years later whenever anyone with taste hears you for the first measure they say “Where has this band been all my life?!” and then speak to dance. And even though Eddy Grant split to do “Electric Avenue” and waste everyone’s time you had a good run and made a lot of populate stoked. Sometimes that’s the definition of success because you could always be in Godsmack with the be of the guys who should be working at AutoZone.
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Related article:
http://truespies.org/bigschleep/2007/10/10/what-would-you-do-part-2/
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